Show Love and Affection to one another

Taken from The Word For Today:
30th May 2015
SHOW AFFECTION TO ONE ANOTHER

‘Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.’ 1 Corinthians 7:3

The Taj Mahal is one of the most beautiful and costly tombs ever built and there’s a legend that surrounds it. When the favourite wife of Indian ruler Shah Jahan died, he ordered it to be built as a memorial to her. He placed her coffin in the middle of a parcel of land, and construction literally began around it. But several years into the venture, his grief for his wife gave way to his passion for the project. One day while he was surveying the site, he reportedly stumbled over a wooden box and had it thrown out. It was months before he realised it was his wife’s coffin. The original purpose for the memorial got lost in the details of construction! There’s a lesson here: it’s called ‘misplaced values’. If you’re a husband and a father, your wife and children probably appreciate the things you work to provide. But do you know what they really want? You! Your time. Your attention. Your affection! J. Paul Getty was one of the world’s richest men, yet he failed miserably with his own family. He wrote: ‘I’ve never been given to envy, save for the envy I feel toward those people who have the ability to make a marriage work and endure happily. It’s an art I’ve never been able to master.’ So in your quest to build your Taj Mahal, try to remember the purpose for which you are building it. ‘Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.’
  

Building Trust And Intimacy In Communication

From UCB Word For Today 26th, 27th and 28th May 2015

BUILDING TRUST AND INTIMACY IN COMMUNICATION (Part 1)

‘…say the right thing at the right time!’ Proverbs 15:23

According to ground-breaking neurological research, you can ‘train’ yourself to speak and listen in a way that stimulates sympathy and trust in the brain of the person you’re talking to. Think how valuable that is in communication! Here are some proven principles to help you do it: 1) Breathe deeply and stretch before speaking. When you’re handling a stressful situation, remaining calm is essential. Stress generates uptightness, uptightness leads to anger, and anger shuts down your ability to get your point across. So take a few moments to breathe deeply, while counting slowly to five. It’s also been established that things like stretching your neck muscles and yawning change your brain in ways that measurably improve your communication skills. We are ‘wonderfully made’ (Psalms 139:14). 2) Think encouraging thoughts. ‘…As he thinks in his heart, so is he…’ (Proverbs 23:7 NKJV). Any negative thought you harbour can interfere with the parts of your brain used in language processing, listening, and speech, which can lead to defensiveness and distrust. Neurological studies found that thinking positive thoughts about the other person, or yourself, or the topic at hand, can help you to achieve success in your personal and business relationships. 3) Seal it with a smile. Your face reveals your feelings. ‘…Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude toward him was not what it had been’ (Genesis 31:2 NIV). Research shows that pleasing memories and thoughts of people you love create facial expressions that convey kindness, compassion and interest, stimulating trust and openness in others.

BUILDING TRUST AND INTIMACY IN COMMUNICATION (Part 2)
‘Pleasant words are…healing…’ Proverbs 16:24

For effective communication: 1) Make use of the ‘eye-gate’. Eye contact stimulates the brain’s social-network circuits, decreasing the stress hormone and increasing the sympathy hormone. Intentionally looking at the other person enables you to quickly respond to the seven basic facial expressions-anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, contempt and happiness. These are keys; use them. 2) Express appreciation. The first words you speak set the tone for the entire interaction. A single compliment can create trust. Loyola University researchers found that when people in conversation are in basic agreement, interactions between them are experienced as mutually satisfying. Alternatively, disagreement immediately creates defensiveness in the listener. So begin each conversation with a compliment, and end it with a phrase that conveys genuine appreciation. Research demonstrates that remarks made at the end of an interaction are especially effective because they linger in the hearer’s mind. ‘Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul (emotions) and healing to the bones.’ 3) Keep it brief. Our conscious minds retain only a tiny bit of information, which is ‘booted out’ of our memory as new information is uploaded. So it’s better to speak a sentence or two at a time, then take a breath. ‘…let your words be few’ (Ecclesiastes 5.2 NAS). If you think a lengthy conversation is needed, let your listener know in advance. This prepares them to focus, and ignore the intrusiveness of their own inner self-talk.

BUILDING TRUST AND INTIMACY IN COMMUNICATION (Part 3)

‘Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.’ Colossians 4:6

Building trust and intimacy in communication requires: 1) Working to build trust. Trust is not a ‘right’: it’s a privilege you earn by proving you’re trustworthy. We pay little attention to politicians who say, ‘You can count on me,’ unless their track record supports it. Christ’s standard for trust was ‘…believe because of the work you have seen me do’ (John 14:11 NLT). We know from social psychology research that speaking gently and slowly can deepen the listener’s openness and respect for you. The tone of your voice matters a lot. The University of Houston did a conclusive study that found if you lower your voice and speak slowly, your listener will respond with greater openness and trust. This research has helped oncologists present bad news to patients in a more supportive way. When doctors reduced their speaking rate and pitch, patients perceived them as more caring and sympathetic. The Bible calls this ‘a soft answer’ (Proverbs 15:1 NKJV), and it will work for you too. 2) Training your brain to really listen. Listening is hard work because we habitually focus on ourselves and our interests through constant self-talk. Studies show that the average person cuts in before the speaker finishes. Even doctors who are trained to listen for important medical information tend to cut patients off within twenty-three seconds-long before they have been fully heard. Train yourself to stay focused on the other person, their words, facial expressions and body language. Within just a few weeks you can train yourself to become the kind of communicator people will trust.