As most who read my Blog will know, I’m a “Practicing” Christian, (What that means is, I live my life as best as I can to the teachings of Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Saviour). This faith I have, has helped me in my desire to meet someone special, settle down and hopefully God Willing, have children. What I am explaining at the moment, will help explain what I will be talking about later on.
Recently I have been chatting and encouraging several people with their walks with God and relationship advice. A couple of these individuals, have gone and met or planned to meet either ladies or gentlemen to start a relationship, some of these has either ended up in a one night stand or a bad split after a couple of weeks to a couple of months. Leaving these individuals feeling unloved, heart broken, depressed, feeling hopeless to name just a few of their emotions/emotional states. As several of you will know from my previous blog posts, I went through a bad brake up this time last year (November 2014), when I found out my partner had continuously lied to me, from the first time I met her (x2 year relationship. The woman I fell in love with never existed). My own desire to meet someone and settle down has been at times a struggle, and I like most if not all people at one time or another put my own desires before doing God’s Will. When this has happened, it does not end well for us. I know from experience, these relationships have ended badly. However saying that, God has always shone through the darkest of days and raised me up from the ashes and mud pile, dusted me off and set me back on the correct path.
In this respect, this is where the most important part of knowing God is, for helping and guiding relationships. In my opinion, most Christians I have met, which use dating sites, seem to have a longing to settle down and feel loved. A majority seem to feel that if they meet someone, they will be happy, as if this magical person will bring rainbows into their lives and all will be well. That is why, when these relationships fail, they feel unloved, heart broken, depressed and feeling hopeless, etc. This isn’t just Christians, or people in general whom use dating sites, but other walks of life to.
What I suggest for anyone going through this, and feeling these emotions is this, and it has been a revelation for me, which I hope it will be for you too. It’s helped me in my walk with God, giving me a Peace only God can give, and also the relationships I have, whether they be friendships, family relationships and/or acquaintances, etc. First focus on God. You may feel you do this, and you may. However, if you are feeling unloved and unwanted, then something isn’t right, and the best person to go to in these situations is God, Our Heavenly Father. I ask you to pull yourself closer to God. Read His word (Bible). He is the one who is “ALWAYS” with “YOU”. No matter what happens in life, He is right by your side (You may want to google the poem, “Footprints In The Sand”, once you read it, you will see why). Speak to your minister, if you don’t have a minister at church, then speak to one of the leaders of the church, or if you don’t attend a church, then pray God will help you find one and go out and look at churches to attend. The Holy Spirit will guide you to the correct church to attend, which is filled with the Holy Spirit. I believe you can not grow fully in the Spirit of God, or mature as a Christian, if you are not engaged with God and be surrounded by your brothers and sisters in Christ. We are a family, and God intended us to spend time with each other in His company, (Matthew Ch12:v50 – Read Verses 46 – 50 for Context). Like wise, if you don’t attend a house group, or Bible Study group (Different churches call them different things), then get yourself in one, speak to the church minister or leaders and they should be able to guide you to one, which is suited to your needs and location of where you live. You may wish to sign up to do an ALPHA course (these are free and usually ran by most churches throughout the year) these will give you an opportunity to ask more questions about God and your relationship with Him and others, (I’ve been a Christian for about 21 years now and I did an ALPHA Course a few years back, to get to grips with some of the understandings and mis-understandings I had of God, these are a great baseline to get the facts and where we need to be in Christ).
Be happy with yourself, if you are not happy with whom you are, you can not expect someone else to make you happy. Like wise if you see your own self worth, then others will see that too. This is a mindset and it isn’t easy to change, however it is possible, so don’t give up. Sometimes we need a word of encouragement and I think we all can relate to having people who drag us down at times and criticise us. My suggestion with this is, surrounding yourself with positive, faith fighting people of God. These people will encourage you if you are open and honest with them, about where you are in life and how you feel. There is no worse feeling when you try your hardest, to have someone criticise you and belittle you, so surrounding yourself with the right people will help and help you realise your self worth. This doesn’t mean surrounding yourself with so called “Yes Men” but having positive people around you who offer constructive criticism, and offers words of encouragement and wisdom.
I would also recommend if you are struggling with your own self worth, you may need to see a counsellor, there is no shame in seeing one as they are there to help, so speaking with your GP (Doctor) may be an option. Many years ago, I saw a counsellor and it helped me a great deal with some childhood trauma I had and my self worth, this lead on once I had finishing seeing a counsellor becoming trained in counselling myself, so that I to could help others. You should also go and speak to your minister and/or leaders about possibly getting a “Christian Mentor”. I have felt God say to me for a couple of years now I needed a mentor, someone to help guide and support me and build me up in Christ, so I may come to full fruition and become the man I am meant to be in Christ. Due to depression and other things, I kept putting it off until I got to a point where I needed to get one. I am now happy to say, my minister has helped me find a mentor, whom is amazing, and Holy Spirit filled gentleman, whom I have known and respected for many years. Just having one meeting with him, and him showing me my self worth and guiding me, has helped me so much. With the family I have which belittles me quite a bit, (I know they love me and this is unintentional, however it pulls me down), having a mentor who inspires me and builds me up, has given me a new release of life, and has helped me overcome some obstacles. This in turn, has meant I have a new outlook on life and I’m getting to know the real me, which God has created me to be, and my mind set is changing for the better. Like wise this will help you to, and once you see your self worth, you will start to love yourself. Once you are happy with whom you are, others will start to appreciate you for who you are and respect you for it. You will learn to be confident in your faith and walk with God and know who you are as a person.
Do I still want to meet a special someone, settle down and have children? The simple answer, is yes. However, being more focused on God, He has revealed to me through prayer, vision and through others, that I need to sort certain things out in my life before I meet “Miss Right”, or at least get together with her if I have met her already. I will be totally open and honest with you here, as I know you will need to be fully open and honest with yourselves, and I hope this will help you see any issues or concerns in your own life, which you may need to deal with and also have the correct mind set to have. For me, I need to declutter my home, I still haven’t fully organised my new home from when I moved in two years ago, boxes and junk everywhere, I have felt God say to me, “A woman won’t want to live in a mess, you don’t like to live in one Bob so you can’t expect your future wife to”. Having clutter also affects your mindset and can make you feel depressed and low self esteem. The second is I need to declutter my mind set. As long as my self worth is low, I won’t be the man I am created to be. Because of this, I will be depressed, down, unhappy and unsupportive of my partner or/and others around me. This is not good for any relationship, whether it be with a future wife/husband, friends, family etc. God has shown me, if I have a mentor, I will not only grow in my faith in Christ, I will shine like a star in the clear night sky, because I will be supported, uplifted and have constructive criticism. I must be willing to learn, develop and acknowledge if I make any mistakes and be happy to rectify them. Be willing to have a slap on the hand so to speak in a positive atmosphere. We all screw up from time to time, but acknowledging them mistakes and learning from them is an important step to developing ourselves to be more like Christ. In this we will be happy with whom we are. That means once we are happy, we will attract others to use like a magnet and we can infect them so to speak with happiness and joy. Once we are happy and filled with joy, our mindset and lives change for the better. This in turn means because we are filled with happiness and joy and we are focused on God, when we meet a possible partner, things happen naturally and they aren’t forced, so both parties feel able to build a more natural connection with each other. I know from speaking with God that I will meet someone, right now is not the time for me to be in a relationship, and I feel at peace about it. Do I get lonely, yes, on the odd occasion I do, however, I know if I am focusing on God and getting my home and mindset right, then in time I will have the right woman in my life. A woman who will support me and build me up in my faith and in Christ and vice versa where I will support and lift her up.
If you have a heart to settle down, God knows your desires and he knows your needs. God will always provide you with everything you need (you may not get what you want all the time, however your needs are always covered lol). He always provides (Jehovah Jireh = God The Provider), so trust in God, be open to hearing Him and what He has to say. You won’t go wrong by doing that and in time I know God will answer your desire to settle down with the right person for you, and it will happen naturally.
Stay Blessed,
Bob
BobOnLife 